Dear Ma,
I wish I could say the grief of losing you would hit me out of no where, but the reality, Ma, the heavy weight pulls me down into dark water. There is no sun where I go. There is no blue and white buoy attached to my arms, as heavy as if they were cast in cement. For a while I was above water, sitting on the boardwalk of life, taking in the sun just as the seagulls do. I saw the dark water below and realized only as I plunged in again that for a moment in time I actually was on top. Tears are hardly new in my…
Who Knows?
The wind blew past my face with a gale like force, and I had to laugh. Only Mama would show up with such a description, her name being Gail, the pun caught me by surprise. I turned to face the movement of air with confidence looking over this mountain range. “Mom, am I doing the right thing? Am I in the right place? Are you proud of me? I had no idea how bad things were between you two. I had no idea he had never gotten better. Why did you hide so much from me? I could have protected you more.” The whistling of the wind was my only…
“This Too Shall Pass.”
My Mother always told me, “This too shall pass,” whenever life threw me an issue that felt like a tornado in my world. When I struggled with my anxiety, she would encourage me to focus on what I could do and not on the could’ve, would’ve, should’ve, what if’s and if only’s. At the end of our conversations, she would say with kindness and confidence, “Meliss, this too shall pass.” Currently, as I look outside at the beautiful Earth Day 2020, I am reminded of where I have come from and how far I have stepped into the reality of the symbol above. My symbol above is a phoenix. It…
A Pass Through Grief While Enduring Mental Illness